Take All That I Have
by Dili.Chambers.Goldsworthy
Summary: Here's the story of Clare Edwards. I must worn you it isn't pretty. At the moment it's life or death, now or never. At the end of this story Clare Edwards life will be on the line whether she lives, is all in time. It's not much but it's all she has left.


She ran into the empty house crying. She was soaking wet, she was unhappy she had ran all the way home and got caught in the storm. The lights were out and no one was home, She walked over to the desk in the living room and saw a stack of papers – These papers terminate the marriage of Randall Edwards and Helen Edwards request the termination of the marriage because of Randalls many infidelity. Dad didn't cheat on mom he would never do that. Tear slipped down her face. She picked up the vase on the coffee table and threw it against the wall and screamed. It was all too much for her. Her family, friends, school, it, boys, the baby and her love life that was out of the question but everything was way to much for her, she needed to escape. She ran up the stairs and flung the door open and opened the medicine cabinet. She grabbed her razors and broke one in half. She turned around and turned the water on. She stripped away all her clothes, as each article of clothing fell to the ground it was like every worry and problem she had was being lifted. She turned off the water and climbed into the tub with the razor in her hand. Tonight it would all end, it was now or never for Clare Edwards. She would die now. Never wasn't an option.

Clare put the razor to her wrist. What did she have to lose, not a family. The Edwards family had put up a facade, but in reality there picture perfect family had fallen apart long ago. Darcy was long gone, she ran off to Kenya and didn't have to deal with the constant yelling or throwing of dishes. Friend's, pftt what's the mean of that anyway? All her so called "best friend's" had abandoned her when she needed them the most. Alli had left her for Drew and then when her and Drew broke up they bonded again but then came along Dave, she had given up on that "friendship" but at the time she still had Adam. But Adam was always closer to Eli, sure they had hung out before but they weren't the best of friends. Sure she had "other" friends she was quite popular if she was to get hurt people would defend her but she wasn't close to those people. Those people didn't know her and she didn't want them to know her, they only would protect her because she was Darcy's little sister. She would forever be known as Darcy's little ugly, smarter, socially awkward sister she was always in the shadows. School was school, no explanation for that subject. Boys, now that was a soar subject, she had a boyfriend but that isn't the "boy" she's talking about. Mark Fitzgerald and Jake Martin, two boys that stormed into her life caused problems, fought for her and she didn't know what to do both of them had a little bit of her heart. She refused to talk to anyone about "it" no one besides Eli knew why Clare was so distant and that turned out to be fucking brilliant. He didn't belive her so why would she go and tell anyone else. Know one knew about the baby except Eli, the baby was all she had to live for and even that couldn't stop her Eli thought she had actually betrayed him. Speaking of the devil himself - Eli, the number one reason why she was ending it all. She loved him, way too much. It was almost unhealthy how much she loved him and yet he broke her heart with out a thought, twice.

Here's the story of Clare Edwards. I must worn you it isn't pretty. At the moment it's life or death, now or never. At the end of this story Clare Edwards life will be on the line whether she lives, is all in time. It's not much but it's all she has at the moment so for now it'll lave to do.

If you were to look for the definition of love this is what you'd get this _Love-(noun) tender, passionate affection, strong personal liking , person toward whom love is felt. _But by the end of this story it'll change.

The story starts when it was hot and it was summer, before I had met "him." Alli had finally convinced me that I needed an extreme make over. I got my haircut and began using a color restoring a shampoo so now my original auburn is brighter. I began curling instead of leaving it naturally straight. I lost a couple pounds I'm not fat, just not model skinny and as for my wardrobe. Alli finally got me to through all my old Catholic private school uniforms. I kept one though, just as a keepsake. Shopping with Alli gives the saying shop till you drop a whole other meaning. But I'm thankful that I had Alli because she was an honest to god fashionesta.

_First Day of Sophomore Year at Degrassi. _

"Alli I don't think I can do this. I'm not as confident as you. Maybe I should just go home and change, I look ridiculous."

Clare ranted, it was there first day of school and Alli had decided to give Clare a make over. She had cut her once long hair into a bob-ish style it reached her neck. Her hair use to be completely straight and she wore hideous oval glasses. For all of freshman year she wore a uniform. Alli had convinced her that she needed a change and that sophomore year for her should be completely different. KC had cheated on her with Jenna and it was her turn to show him what he missed out on. At the time it sounded amazing but as they approached the school, all she wanted to do was reach in her bag and put on her familiar oval glasses.

"Clare Edwards, if you think about putting on those ugly glasses I will be forced to take matters into my hands and destroy them myself."

Clare grinned at Alli and reached into her book bag and grabbed her glasses.

" Oh no you don't Clare" Alli screamed while trying to get the glasses from her best friend.

Alli nudged Clare knocking the hideous glasses to the ground as Clare bent down to pick them up she was to late. A car had run over her glasses causing a crushing sound. The car stopped and the door flung open a boy dressed in all black exited the car. I was speechless he was gorgeous. The boy bends down to pick up what's left of my glasses he stands up and smirks at me and says "I think there dead." The boy hands me back my now destroyed glasses.

I laugh slightly and say. "It's ok I uhh, don't need them anymore. Got la-laser surgery. I look at the boy and he's looking at me. It's awkward for a moment but he cut's the tension with a knife.

"You have pretty eyes" The green eyed stranger declares.

I look down at the ground and mumble a pathetic "thanks" the moment surpasses and I say "I'll see you around." More as a question, not a statement. But the boy doesn't seem to notice and he says, "guess you will" while studying my face. The boy turns around to leave and I feel myself getting excited and already forgetting the heartbreak that Kurt Cameron Guthrie caused.

That was my first in counter with Elijah Goldsworthy but surely not the last, oh how I wish it were. At the moment I had know idea that the boy would cause me so much heartbreak and how far things would get. If I had known I would have never pulled my glasses out. But obviously I can't go back in time so now all I can do is got forward and tell you my story. I am Clare Edwards and I'm dieing. All those years I wasted praying to "god" was bullshit were was he when I was beat, broken and raped. Were was he when I cried out? That day no one came to save me. Know I'm tainted and filthy. Moral's my ass, religion be damned. This is my life, the side of Clare Edwards that know one knew.

Present Time

I took the razor and scrapped it across my pale skin, the feeling sent shivers up my spine. Why do I do it, well because so many shitty things have happened to me and I can't emotionally "feel" anymore, it's like I've become immune a zombie in limbo if you must. But I can however feel pain physically; it's all I have left seeing as I have nothing to live for. I watch as 3 light cuts appear. I wasn't satisfied at all. I angle the razor so that I could penetrate my skin. I start at the left side of my left wrist and cut to the right. I feel blood trickle down my skin; it feels amazing I watch as the blood spreads. It's quite a beautiful site, the blood is so red and my skin is so pale and white. It reminds me of snow white in a sad way except snow-white lives in a fairy tale and I don't. I laugh and tears fall down my face. I put the razor down on the edge of the tub. I then put my left arm under the water and watch as the water began turn red. I winced at the stinging feeling as the water danced on my open wound. I leaned back and let myself cry. I thought of all the times that I use to pray,. It hadn't gotten me any were; at the end of the day I was still miserable, but back then I was happy.

**FLASH- Clare's Freshman Year.**

Alli and Clare walked in the hallway; K.C then proceeded to run up to the girls he kissed Clare's cheek causing her to blush.

"So what are you two girl's up to" K.C said while putting his arm around Clare's shoulder.

Clare didn't answer. She was still in disbelief that K.C Guthrie was her boyfriend. So Alli answered.

"Clare was just telling me how she had an amazing night with you."

"Oh was she." K.C said in a cocky voice.

Clare didn't even bother to reply, she was already embarrassed. She felt K.C's breathing on her neck. K.C began whispering in Clare's ear.

"Babe, don't hide you blush. I love it, and I'm glad that you have a good night I did to"

That was before he cheated, that was when things were innocent, when she was innocent.


End file.
